Unabashedly Yours
by Xanderette43
Summary: Post 'Dirty Girls'. Xander and Dawn have a chance to talk late at night.


Title: Unabashedly Yours  
  
Author: Christine  
  
E-mail: Buffygirl43@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Buffy characters, sadly. I just use them for my amusement.  
  
Spoilers: Post 'Dirty Girls'  
  
Pairing: Dawn/Xander  
******  
  
I can see him sitting on the top step of the back deck in the backyard through the kitchen door window as I take a drink of water from the glass I grabbed out of the cabinet. I place it on the counter as quietly as I can. I look around to see if anyone else is up but realize they're all still asleep, so I quietly open the door and step onto the cold, damp wooden patio, silently wishing I had put slippers on my bare feet. His head turns a little, acknowledging that someone's behind him, but he doesn't turn all the way around. Instead he goes back to the position he was in before, shoulders slumped, knees drawn up to his chest with his arms gently crossed. I hesitate in moving, not knowing what I'm going to say to him, yet somehow my feet start moving again and I move to sit down next to him. I quickly glance over and I can see the fading tear track stains down the right side of his face, and I realize now that there wouldn't be any on the other side to see. His mouth opens as if he's going to say something, and then it closes again. I don't want to be the next person to apologize to him for what happened, so I just sit there next to him for a moment before taking his hand and interlacing my fingers with his. He tenses for a moment, but suddenly I feel his hand grip mine back, and he chokes back a sob.  
  
"Dawnie, you don't have to stay here with me."  
  
I look at him looking at me and I hold his hand even tighter. "You're the only person in this house who treats me like an equal, like a normal person." I sigh for a moment. "And if the world is really going to end this time, I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me before its too late."  
  
He looks at me as he smiles for a second, and then its gone just as fast as it had come, replaced by pain and dread. "I know, you mean a lot to me too Dawn. If anything happens within the next few days, just know that I always cared about you, including all the memories that were made up." He pauses for a moment and I can feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. "Those memories, all of them Dawn, are just as true to me as they are to Buffy and Willow."  
  
I can feel a tear sliding down my face and I lean my head against his shoulder. "You don't know how much that means to me. I mean, I've always felt like an outsider until this year, just someone who really didn't belong with anyone, just lost in the crowd somewhere. I never felt like I was needed."  
  
"You're always needed Dawn." He lets go of my hand and moves to brush a strand of hair from my face, his hand lingering on my cheek. "We didn't want to involve you because Buffy thought you were too young." I look up and his gaze locks with my own. "But you're not young anymore, you're a smart, beautiful young woman who's strength reminds me a lot of her sister." His other hand reaches up and touches the patch over his left eye. "If we get through this, I promise I'll teach you all the ins and outs of the Scooby Gang." He gives me his patented goofy smile and I can't help but want to just lean over and kiss him.  
  
So I do.  
  
Before he has a chance to stop me I lean up and lightly touch my lips to his, and though I planned on pulling away just as quickly as I had started to kiss him, I don't. And neither does he. I can feel him pull me closer, his arms going around me slowly, and my mouth opens slightly, I can feel his tongue lightly touching my own. I've kissed guys before, but this - this is different. A million different thoughts race through my head as I feel his hands run up and down my back, eliciting all sorts of wonderful sensations though my body. Suddenly he pulls away from me and shakes his head.  
  
"We shouldn't be doing this Dawn."  
  
I shake my head. "I know. But it feels right, at least to me." I look up at him. "Does it for you?"  
  
He nods slowly. "It does, but -" He sighs and looks from me to the open door. "But somehow I don't think the others would feel the same way."  
  
I suddenly think of the reaction Buffy would have in my mind and shudder. "I know. But honestly, who cares what they think? Our world is coming apart all around us and I don't want to die before I know what it's like to really live, to know how it feels to love." His lower lip curls up a little and I know that he agrees with me, even without saying a word.  
  
Suddenly, he leans over and kisses my cheek, catching the corner of my lips in the process. "And you will Dawn, you'll find someone who deserves your love."  
  
I see him shift, moving to get up. I grab his hand and he stops, looking down at me. "What if I've found that person already?"  
  
He looks down at the damp wood of the patio and I can see his eyebrows furrow, which tells me he's thinking really hard. "Dawn, I can't be that person. Not for you. You -" He stops looking at me sitting there. "-You deserve so much better, someone who can take you away from all this -" He waves his hands around him. "- This joke of a life."  
  
I jump up and just stare at him. "How can you say your life is a joke? You've spent almost eight years fighting the good fight alongside Buffy and Willow. Eight byears/b Xander! Most people go about their lives never knowing what's really out there, not ever contributing to the well being of this planet, nonetheless universe! If you think for bone/b second that I am going to leave everyone behind if the world bdoesn't/b end this time and live some fake life somewhere else you don't know just how wrong you are."  
  
I look right into his eyes, sorrow filling my own at the sight of the eye patch over the left side of his face and continue. "You, Alexander Harris are the bravest person I have bever/b known. You put yourself in so much danger, so many terrifying situations when you are just a normal person like the rest of us in the world. You're not a Slayer, you're not a witch or a vampire. You're a good man who I've always looked up to, always admired since I can remember. You're amazing and I don't know anyone else I'd rather spend the last days of my existence with then you. If the world is going to end, then this is how I want to spend it."  
  
I can feel the tears spilling down my cheeks as I shift uncomfortably where I'm standing. I see his right eye becoming glassy with unshed tears and I brush a stray piece of hair out of his face and stoke the left side of his face. He flinches at first at my touch but the tension dissipates as quickly as it came. He opens his mouth to say something but I but my finger to his lips shushing him. "You don't have to say anything." I lean into him, brushing my lips lightly across his, and slowly start to break the kiss, moving backwards when he reaches around and pulls me back towards him. There's no hesitation this time when he captures my lips with his again and I feel like I'm slowly spinning even though we haven't moved our feet from the deck. His lips leaves mine and he slowly starts a trail of kisses from my chin down my neck, stopping right above the collar of my t-shirt. He moves away all of a sudden and gazes into my eyes, wiping a stray tear from my cheek. "You mean everything you said?"  
  
I nod my head. "Every last word. I love you Xander, I always have."  
  
He smiles, tenderly kissing me. "I love you too Dawn, let's go inside."  
  
He reaches for my hand with his and I grasp it tightly as we walk back into the house and up to my bedroom. 


End file.
